I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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