I want to make a zoo with you.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
