even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
