"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
