yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize