Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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