Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
