yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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