Got a toothbrush?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
