just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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