no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
