i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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