It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
