dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he puts the penis in happiness.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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