i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
