she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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