His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
