Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
