from now on my penis is your penis
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
