I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
