im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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