I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
