I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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