Dual....:-)
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
