is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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