I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
