That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
