she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
