Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
