Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
