Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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