toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
