There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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