I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
