If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
