The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
