Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
