So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
