so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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