Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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