Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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