That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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