i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
