I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
