i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
