I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm having to shit out rocks
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
