I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's rum buckets o'clock
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
