It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
