and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
