I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize