i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
