I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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