I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
