Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
