Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
