i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
