Your dad touched me again.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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