i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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