Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.