Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
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At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.