Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...