I want to walk on stilts...naked
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?