I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy