my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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