Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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