Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
