Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
