a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
