you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Randomize
